She’s gone and all of a sudden you find yourself wondering just how you’re going to manage without her. Unhappy and disillusioned, you can’t seem to find anything to focus on, to give yourself direction. You likely can’t think of any feeling worse than what you’re going through now, but as time goes by, that feeling will dissipate. To make it dissipate faster, acknowledge this one important fact: there’s much more to life than a relationship with a woman – even the one who just walked out on you. She knocked you down – so what, it happens to all of us sooner or later. She’s gone now, so the only thing keeping you down is you. Get up and get moving!
The primary goal now is to get her completely out of your mind. The way to do this, paradoxically, is to let the mourning process take its course. Feel the sorrow and suffer the loss of your loving relationship – it’s natural and strengthens you to get back on your feet and return to the world. After a couple of days or so, it’s time to start fresh. First off, go through your home and remove everything – EVERYTHING – that belongs to her or reminds you of her, Photographs, clothing, toothbrushes – everything must be packed away. Photos of her alone must go (others you can keep, but don’t display them for now). Pack everything neatly in a carton and ship it to her – this will help convince your subconscious that it’s really over, that she’s not coming by just because her things are there. Like any other job, this thing has an end – so finish it up, get the carton mailed, and get yourself ready to go out and take on the world again!
This is a special time – time you have to yourself, time you can devote to yourself. Don’t try to find another woman to get involved with immediately – there’ll be plenty of time for that later. Use this time for yourself – read the books you kept putting off, take on those projects around your place that you never seemed to be able to find time for. Look into the hobbies you’re curious about but also never seemed to have time for. Go places and do things that interest you, not just to gratify her. Turn off the idiot box – it’s a great time-killer, but when you need to be getting re-involved with life, becoming a couch potato is counterproductive.
Do some “guy things,” things it was hard to with her around. Go fishing. Go hunting! Take in a ball game or two. Hang out with the guys. Get involved in a sports league – play soccer or whatever sports are available. Don’t worry about women – they’ll come back in your life in time, and you’ll start having trouble finding time for yourself. Devote your time now to you. Don’t restrict yourself just to non-physical activities – make sure there’s a good mix of physical activities as well. This will help you stay (or get) in shape, as well as give you a release for the frustrations that will from time to time build up inside you.
Do new things. Take some weekend trips – there are probably dozens of interesting places to visit and have a nice weekend outing, all within an hour’s drive of your home. Fight the urge to party constantly, though – getting drunk will work to pull you back into the pit of depression and self-pity you’re working to avoid. Don’t get emotionally involved with another woman for a while – there’s still grief that has to be dissipated from your old relationship, and you really want that grief all gone before you embark on a new relationship. If you can afford the time and money, take a vacation, a real one, the kind where you’re gone for at least a week. This can give you a new outlook on life and let you return relaxed and refreshed.
There’s an old saying: “One nail doesn’t drive out another nail.” In this context, it means that you can’t replace your lost love, and you can’t replace the failed relationship and make it somehow work. All you can do is mend, and when the time is right, meet a new woman (not a replacement woman) and start a new relationship (not a replacement relationship). How will you know when it’s appropriate to get involved with a woman again? There’ll be no feeling of pressure to get into a new relationship, and you won’t be thinking in terms of “replacing” your ex-girlfriend. One day you’ll meet someone and the possibility of spending time with her will interest you on its own merits, without having anything to do with the old relationship. And if you wait until the right time, your new relationship will be infinitely more fulfilling than the old one.
If you found this helpful with helping you deal with your broken heart, also check out How to Mend a Broken Heart and Surviving a Breakup.